broken bones to bemoan
by mew-tsubaki
Summary: Oneshot, nonmagical AU. Sirius Black has lofty aspirations for him and his friends. The thing is, they're growing up and he can't keep up. *possible squeamish themes; pre-slash Remmius* .::GGE '14 entry 10—for Cassidy::.


**broken bones to bemoan**

A HariPo oneshot

by mew-tsubaki

Note: The _Harry Potter_ characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. Again, something I've not written before…this year's GGE really has gotten me to think outside of the box! :O Read, review, and enjoy! *Written for **our dancing days** for the Gift-Giving Extravaganza 2014 forum with the request that there be any combo of the Marauders.

- ^-^3

He could hear the clicking of the heels of her boots on the concrete as she approached. The clicking echoed off his four walls and the hall leading to his four walls. Then the clicking came to an abrupt stop with a scuff.

She cleared her throat, and tiredness leaked into her tone. "I swear, this is the last time."

He grinned from ear to ear. "Dearest Lily, you say that every time," he remarked, sitting up on the bench and swinging his legs around so his feet touched the ground.

Lily shook her head. "No, I mean it this time, Sirius."

Sirius stared at her—well, as much of her as he could see between the bars of the cell. He raised his left hand. "Scout's honor."

She snorted. "Oaths are done with your right hand, genius."

He rolled his eyes and stood. "So?"

"So we'll be done shortly," Lily replied, motioning to the policeman to her right. He nodded and unlocked the cell so Sirius could leave. Lily turned on her heel without a word to him, but it was clear by how she didn't walk with Sirius that she really wasn't in a talking mood.

That didn't work out for Sirius, though. He was always in a talkative mood. And, really, one would've thought Lily would've learned that by now, having known him for—good grief, ten years. Sirius almost felt old thinking about it.

Lily spoke again with the receptionist and then she and Sirius exited the station. Again, she gave no indication that she wanted to go anywhere with Sirius.

"What, you don't even fancy a cuppa?" Sirius asked as he followed her up the street.

She narrowed her green eyes at him. "You were funny as a kid, Sirius. Really. Sometimes mean, but you could be funny. But now?" She shook her head again. "It's just not the same, Sirius."

"What, you don't like me anymore?"

Some of the tension left her shoulders. "It's not that, Sirius." She turned and faced him. "But come on. You're likeable, but…you're still such a kid."

"Then by what you just said, I'm still funny."

Lily groaned. "No. Stop trying to trip me up. I'm telling you I'm done bailing you out."

"It wasn't my fault that the woman I flirted with last night was an off-duty officer."

"You're lucky she didn't break your fingers when you helpfully patted her front dry—on which you 'accidentally' spilled your drink."

He twisted his mouth around, trying to see things from Lily's point of view. But…he just couldn't.

She sighed and ran a hand through her red tresses. The sunlight of day caught on her ring and glinted in Sirius' eyes until it was too painful to look. "I'm just glad James wasn't there with you this time. Who knows what would've happened to him, being along with you?"

Sirius opened his mouth to protest. "Now, hold on a minute. I've never gotten James in trouble—"

"On purpose," she added.

He bit his lower lip and stared down at her. He hated that someone half a head shorter than him could make _him_ feel so small.

Behind her, the driver honked, and Sirius finally took notice of the taxicab behind her, waiting. Lily turned and opened the door, halfway in before she glanced back at Sirius. "I _do_ like you, Sirius. You're family. We wouldn't have made you Harry's godfather if we didn't believe that. But things have changed. James and I have a family. Everyone's maturing—except you. Just…be serious sometimes, will you?"

He wanted to crack the usual pun about his name, but the disappointment in her voice wounded him too much to say anything. He dropped his eyes to the ground.

"See you around, Sirius," the woman said, getting into the car and rolling down the window a fraction. "But it won't be in jail again." Then the cab sped off.

Sirius picked his head up after a minute, trying to remember where he was. Ah, right, in the middle of the sidewalk in late morning after another wild night of his. He caught his reflection in a shop's window and saw gray eyes staring back at him, but he didn't want to acknowledge that they were his. These gray eyes, the sorry expression, the slept-in clothes from last night…

…oh, who was he kidding? He wasn't ready to be serious yet.

(And, if he were being truthful with Lily, he'd confess that sometimes he wasn't ready to be Sirius ever.)

- ^-^3

After sleeping off last night during the day and having a fresh shower at his apartment, Sirius felt raring to go by the time the setting sun peeked in through his place's lone window.

He rang Peter to check that his old pal was in. "Well, I didn't exactly have plans, no…," the timid male supplied.

"Great!" Sirius said. "Since James is off being whipped by Lily, it's just you and me tonight, mate."

"But Lily said you were in jail last night."

"So?"

"So I don't want to be arrested," Peter whined.

"Oh, Pete, I won't let anything happen to you, promise."

Yet he could hear Peter's unease in his quiet on the other end of the line. "…fine," he finally caved.

Without so much as a parting, Sirius hung up and sped out of his apartment. He waited for a bus, transferred, and made it through an excruciatingly long twenty minute drive to Peter's home. The poor bloke still hadn't managed to move out of his parents' house, but at least he was available. Besides, in the absence of better company, any Marauder—meaning Peter—was better than none at all.

Peter greeted him at the door dressed in sweats. Sirius immediately turned him around and marched him back upstairs to his room to change, and then the dark-haired man dragged him unceremoniously out for a night on the town. "I really don't want to paint the town red tonight, Sirius," Peter confessed.

"Aw, Peter, are you a cool guy or are you not?" Sirius slid a glance his way.

The effect was instantaneous. Peter, who had always longed to feel like a more permanent member of the quartet known as the Marauders—their little group of friends—was so easy to provoke and to motivate. Sirius and James had been fast friends, more like brothers. Sirius and…well, _he_ wasn't around these days, so why waste the thought thinking of him? But Sirius and Peter—it was like a teacher and student learning the ways of the Awesome Life.

For Sirius, that meant making the rounds at the local pubs, cracking jokes with the guys, flirting dangerously with the gals, and sometimes slipping out without paying a tab if the bartender wasn't treating his customers right.

The hours flew by, but it wasn't even eleven before Peter gave up. "I…I'm sorry, Sirius, I just can't," the round man wheezed.

"Good grief, Pete, are you in your twenties or aren't you?"

But Peter didn't take the bait. "Sorry, mate… I'll make it up to you another night, promise. But my dad's got an interview set up for me at his firm tomorrow afternoon and I've been studying the company and everything… It's not much of an opportunity for a rat like me, but even rats have got to make a living somehow, right?"

Sirius unzipped his leather jacket, trying to feel right in his skin while his uncool friend ditched _him_, the cool one. "Oh. Yeah… Right. Well, 'night then."

Peter smiled gently. "Goodnight, Sirius." They waited in silence until the last bus of the night came. They rode in silence until Peter got off.

"Hey, Pete."

"Yeah?"

"…good luck, mate."

"Thanks, Sirius." But the sentiment didn't quite reach Peter's eyes. Maybe he didn't believe Sirius' sincerity. Not that Sirius would have the chance to ask him, as Peter headed home.

Sirius settled into a seat in the back of the bus, suddenly deflated. Hmm. Peter didn't believe Sirius' sincerity…it made sense, especially considering Lily's words the other night. But that didn't mean that Sirius wanted to face reality just yet.

He mused about swinging by Bellatrix's. His cousin was off her rocker and maybe a bit of a danger to others as well as to herself, but she and her husband, Rodolphus, could be a laugh. Or maybe Cousin Narcissa would still be up and drinking some tea… She'd had her first son last year, anyway, and still wasn't back on a regular sleep schedule… But, no, seeing either of them when he didn't get on with his own parents and consequently wasn't supposed to have anything to do with the family probably wasn't a good idea.

In the end, his decision was made for him when the stop closest to his apartment arrived, and Sirius returned home, feeling as though Lily's words were beginning to win out….

- ^-^3

"Can I say something?" James whispered when Lily was out of the room the following day.

Sirius had Harry tucked under one arm and Harry was laughing, but the room was otherwise suited for a bit of conspiring. "Shoot."

James gave him a wide smile. "I would've loved to have collected you the other night. I don't think I've ever seen you alone in jail. At least, not without me there beside you."

The gray-eyed man groaned. "I don't know if I'm supposed to be happy about that, James…"

"No, honestly!" James laughed and took Harry, who sat on his father's knee and reached for both his father and his godfather at the same time. James let Harry play with his glasses. "Truly, a part of me wishes to be out there with you still. Do you remember, back in sixth form, when we ran into that bit of trouble with those policemen and had to give them fake identities?"

Sirius barked out a laugh. "My word! I'd forgotten! 'Elvendork.'" Sirius booped Harry on the nose. "You were almost named that, kiddo."

"No, but I miss times like those," James continued. His hazel eyes glittered. "There was something about our youth…"

"We're still young. Plenty could happen."

Yet that must've been the wrong thing to say. James' smile lessened by a fraction. It was just a fraction, but it was far too noticeable for Sirius, who had known James for what felt like nearly all his life. James' posture shifted, as well, and for a moment he seemed ten years older, and Harry seemed school-age already, and Sirius felt out of place. "Oh, Sirius…don't you want this?"

"Want Harry? Sure, I could use a pet."

His best friend gave him a dry look over the rims of his glasses. "I meant this life. Sometimes I wish I could join you, but…I don't think the trouble's worth it, not anymore."

The words stun. James had always been so reliable in the past…but the past was the past, and that was all Sirius' friends seemed to be reminding him about these days. Everyone else was moving on. Everyone else was making plans. Everyone else had already made plans.

And none of those plans seemed to involve Sirius the way he was now.

Lily came back to the living room there, her face lighting up upon seeing Harry's smile. "How's my little one?" she cooed, scooping him up from his father, though James was a little jealous at having him stolen. Lily looked at Sirius. "Say, do you want to babysit later this week? My parents are busy, and James' are out of town."

Sirius forced a smile, ready to agree…but something told him not to this time. "Ah, no…sorry. Can't. Maybe Frank and Alice could take him?"

Lily considered it. "Good point. Maybe Harry would like to see Neville, too…"

That changed the subject, and everything turned to families and diapers and talks about more kids, and Sirius desperately wanted to run away. Did no one else think the way Sirius did anymore?

…well, there might be _him_.

But did Sirius dare go there?

- ^-^3

Two days later, Sirius rang Lily, knowing she'd be the one with the info.

She was surprised, to say the least. "Remus…? Well, last I knew, he was still at university… But none of us have seen him since sixth form. I wish he'd said something, but he doesn't hate us, that's for sure, otherwise he wouldn't have given me the dorm number."

That was exactly what Sirius had wanted. Yet, once Lily had told him the number, he hadn't been so sure about calling Remus.

Remus Lupin. The last of the Marauders. The goody-two-shoes. The pushover. The bookworm. The girly-boy. …the lost cause, perhaps, since they hadn't seen him for years.

Instead, Sirius scrounged up the money and took the train to Remus' school. The idea of a real visit felt a lot better than a phone call, anyway, and Sirius concluded that it was a change of scenery was all he needed.

Remus' campus was small, kind of like their old secondary school. It was cozy, though, with nice courtyards and stately-looking buildings. Sirius picked out the library with ease, but that was only because he recalled Remus' love of books. …funny, how, even years later, one couldn't forget the details of other loved ones…

No one paid Sirius any attention, which made perfect sense. It was a Thursday, and classes were in session while others were milling about. Sirius headed for the library, figuring it as good a place as any to start his search for Remus. Besides, it would give him time to think of an excuse for if he saw the bookish man. He could always call it an impromptu Marauder reunion…but would that really work, with just Sirius coming?

The library turned out to be dull as hell, and Sirius found a comfy enough carrel to nap in for a short bit. Once he woke up, he searched the aisles for Remus. He could picture Remus as though it was yesterday: Remus, in the back, his small frame hunched over some six-hundred page book.

But Sirius couldn't find that small frame now.

Sirius headed for the main courtyard and searched the faces without really meaning to, but still he couldn't find Remus. No soft brown hair and puppy-brown eyes… No faces scarred from a run-in with a feral neighborhood cat at the age of four… No Remus.

He grimaced. He had to know that the one thing he was serious about wasn't going to happen. Seeing Remus when _he_ wanted to wasn't in his cards.

Sirius turned on his heel and made for the campus exit. Off to his left, a group of friends passed, most of them carrying coffees and talking loudly about some medical things. But a voice rang out:

"Sirius?"

Even calling after him, Remus' voice was as soft as ever. Sirius turned as if he'd been yanked on the arm, and Remus stood facing him from about a yard away. Remus' friends looked between the two of them but made nothing of it and went on without Remus.

"It's you, isn't it, Sirius?" Remus asked.

Cripes, his eyes were bigger than Sirius remembered. And his hair was nicely kempt, like a girl's, though Sirius thought he saw a few grays here and there. And Remus was thinner than ever—he'd always been thin, but his clothes definitely hung on him now. Yet a healthy flush graced his cheeks when Sirius nodded.

Remus took a few steps toward him. "My word… I can't believe…" He was genuinely happy to see Sirius—the first person in a long time to be so. His eyes grew wet and he laughed. "Sirius! How are you?"

Sirius frowned. What to say? He'd come all this way and had thought of nothing…oh, not quite. "Um…I'm good. I—I'm here for a Marauder reunion!" He puffed up his chest, trying to summon confidence. "It's been a while after all."

Remus cocked one eyebrow, amused. "Then where are James and Peter?"

Oops. He'd been found out. "…okay, so maybe not…"

"Hey, it's been too long. Do you want to grab a bite?"

Sirius glanced around him. "What about your friends?"

"We were just heading to lunch anyway, and I'll see them in class later. Come on, my treat."

Normally that was all Sirius would have to hear to accept. But Remus was different. Sirius didn't need to be bribed with food if Remus was there. "All right, then. Your treat."

Remus led him to the dining commons located on the campus but set off to the side of the academic buildings. Remus asked what Sirius would like, but Sirius let him choose for him. He also let Remus pick their seats, but he settled in nicely across the table from Remus. He hadn't realized it would feel so good to sit and eat with Remus again, like this. Seeing Remus' face, watching the familiar gestures, hearing the inflections in his speech… A feeling bubbled up in Sirius which he could only describe as homesickness, though he wasn't sure why.

"You seem to be doing well here," Sirius said at last.

Remus smiled around a mouthful of food. "As well as one can, I suppose. Though it's been tough at times." He nudged his texts with his elbow. "Mostly the studying. It's unreal."

"…I wouldn't know."

Remus didn't frown or belittle him for not continuing his education. "That's fine. We all knew I was looking for this kind of life. It's all dry hands and paper cuts for me," he quipped with a chuckle.

Involuntarily, Sirius' eyes went to Remus' hands. They did look dry and a bit damaged, and they seemed brittle as well as thin. Frankly, it made Sirius wonder if something were wrong with Remus. He looked sickly.

"What about you?"

"Me? Hmm… Well, Lily's trying to be my mother since my real mother gave up on me…" He filled Remus in on just his latest shenanigans.

"I feel for Lily," Remus teased him.

"Hey!" But Sirius knew Remus was all play. He relaxed as he chatted with the brunet. "You know, it's been nice enough, spending some time with them. If you recall, when I left home, things were mad."

Remus frowned. "But you had to. Your parents… I never understood why you wouldn't let us get the authorities involved, Sirius. That abuse—"

"It's fine," Sirius interrupted. "It…it's fine."

Silence settled between them, and they finished their meals quietly. Remus cleaned up for them, though he nicked his finger on his knife. "Oh, bloody hell!"

Sirius reached for his hand with his napkin. "Here, let me—"

"No, don't!"

Sirius flinched. Remus stared at him, horrified and holding his injured hand well out of Sirius' reach. It was such a shock. Sirius and James had always been the most touchy-feely out of all of them, but Sirius had been the only one to be touchy-feely with Remus, and he'd drawn him out of his shell when they'd been boys. Frankly, with how the day had transpired so far, Sirius hadn't thought at all that Remus would react to him like that.

"I'm sorry, it's not you, I'm sorry," the brunet bumbled. He hastily took the napkin from Sirius and dabbed the blood. He then stuffed the napkin into his pocket and dug around in his school bag for a bandage, and he covered the cut with a happy sigh. "There. I'm fine now."

Still, that had been some reaction. "…if you want me to go…"

"No!" Now Remus looked desperate where he hadn't a moment ago. "No, please…please stay." His eyes softened, and Sirius believed him.

"We can't stay in here all day, though, can we?"

Remus shook his head. "I… I have an idea, though. A nice place."

So Sirius followed him.

- ^-^3

Remus swung by his dorm room first and dropped off his things. Sirius peeked into the room, curious and happy to find Remus was by himself. He and the others had shared a dorm with Remus as youngsters, and he felt that no one else should get to experience dorm life with their Remus Lupin.

The two men then headed off campus and took a local trolley partly across town. Sirius wondered where they were going, but he enjoyed the green scenery nevertheless. Plus, Remus looked happy to get the fresh air.

They arrived at a little park with a man-made lake set two-thirds of the way in. Benches dotted the perimeter of the lake, but Remus ushered Sirius to one towards the middle.

"It's the one with the best view," the bookworm explained.

"Why's that?" Sirius asked.

"When the sun sets, everything's set ablaze. It's truly beautiful." Remus faced Sirius with a heart-melting smile, and something in Sirius twinged.

Ah. Maybe Remus had something to do with that hole Sirius was always trying to fill inside himself…. But he didn't want to think about that, not right now, not when they'd reconnected so easily after _years_ apart.

They sat watching their surroundings for a good hour, commenting on things here and there and laughing at the ridiculous ducks in the water. But, as all good things do, the ease of being together ended. "Sirius," Remus began, "what happened after school?"

Sirius frowned and sighed. What happened? What _happened_? Remus would've known if he hadn't left so quickly after graduation. "…Regulus," he mumbled.

"Hmm?"

Sirius cleared his throat. "Regulus," he repeated. "He died."

Remus looked mortified at having asked. "I—I'm so sorry. I—"

The dark-haired man shook his head. "No. It's not your fault. I'm to blame. I didn't get him out of that house. That abuse that I didn't let you guys stop, that I ran away from—I left him there, promising to come back. But he couldn't escape it. And when he tried…well, the gang he got involved with as a means of escape killed him."

Remus frowned. "Sirius, that's not your fault. A gang? I mean, I'll confess I'm stunned to hear that, but…_that_ was his decision."

"And coming for him at a later time was mine, so don't try to correct me otherwise, Remus." He only glanced at Remus; he couldn't lock eyes with such a pure-hearted gaze right now. "I told you what Lily said, and I knew my answer. I can't be serious. I can't grow up since I can't accept what happened. I can't accept that reality."

The brunet pursed his lips, and they fell silent once more. Remus edged a little closer, though, and bumped his thigh against Sirius'. "…if anyone knows about running away from reality, I do."

"Yeah?"

"Sirius, the reason why I left…" Remus closed his eyes and leaned forward, so his head was bent down and his face was out of view. "Sirius, I have AIDS."

The words were unreal. Not that one didn't hear them at all these days—nations worldwide were starting to panic about the growing "epidemic"—but to hear such a thing from Remus' mouth? What did it mean? How had Remus gotten it? Was he gay? Was he a druggie? Was he, was he, was he—all the other reasons why escaped Sirius as the news stories on the telly flooded his brain all at once.

Remus kept his face hidden. "I didn't tell you guys when I was little because I could manage it. There were trial medications and stuff…"

"You've had it that long?"

"Well, no, I was just HIV-positive then… My father had it, and my parents didn't know until after I'd been born and—oh, it's all a ruddy mess. But it was easier to keep under wraps when I was younger. Growing older, and then getting full-blown AIDS…" He shook his head. "I didn't want my best friends to see me die. And I don't want you to have it, either. Sorry about my outburst at lunch."

Well, at least one thing made sense now. Sirius whistled lowly. "Oh."

"Yeah. 'Oh.'" Remus sighed and picked up his head, but his eyes were glassy. "It's fine if you truly don't want to have anything more to do with me, Sirius. Really. We can pretend you never visited. Lily will eventually forget you asked for my number. You guys can forget me."

"…but you'll…die alone."

Remus chewed on his lower lip. "Probably. That's how it goes these days."

For the final time that day, silence visited them and let them think. Sirius thought about the varying opinions he'd heard within a single week. He dwelled upon Regulus' death, and he saw visions and flashes in his mind's eye of the abuse he and his brother had been dealt by their parents' hands.

But he turned and eyed Remus' profile. He also saw how frail his friend looked, though he could see that spark of life burning defiantly in the glint of his eyes and the clench of his jaw. Remus knew reality all too well, but now Sirius understood that he had been facing it, as well, all this time. The goofing off and playing around was what had been the act.

Sirius swallowed his childishness and reached for Remus' hand, gripping it even when Remus tried to pull away. "Don't be like that, Remus," he scolded him at last. "Don't bother with this school rubbish. Come back with me and be with us, the Marauders and Lily, Frank and Alice, Harry, Neville, the Weasleys, the McKinnons—your family. Whatever it is, we're alive, Rem, but we're not together." He paused, thinking about Remus' casual mention of death. But that wasn't what scared Sirius. "We're not together," he repeated, "and I can't imagine a worse fate for us."

Remus met his eyes and stared back, at a loss for words. He was weak and vulnerable all at once. Sirius began to lean in, but when Remus jerked as if to block any kind of kiss, Sirius hugged him instead, and didn't let him go.

Conversation died for the day, and they headed back to the university. Sirius walked Remus back to his dorm, and Remus unlocked the door and went inside. Sirius was fairly certain they weren't even going to say goodbye to each other for what Sirius supposed would in fact be the last time.

However, a miracle happened that day. Remus went inside, looked around his room, grabbed a few items, and stuffed them in his bag. Then he returned outside with Sirius, not even bothering to lock the door behind him.

Remus Lupin had been convinced to live again, and Sirius Black had finally grown up. And the Marauders would be together again…one last time.

- ^-^3

**Whelp… ._. Never written this kind of thing before, nor addressed such a subject, but I've always thought it an interesting thing, JKR relating the lycanthropy in the books to AIDS, so I decided to employ that here for the nonmagical AU. I kind of want to do one more story in this universe…I dunno. I just love Sirius and Remus (ship and charries). Hope you liked this, Cassidy! It's very unusual for me!**

**Thanks for reading, and please review!**

**-mew-tsubaki :O**


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